we're an awkward bunch
- Mom: THANKSGIVING DISHES! WHOO WHOO WHOO WHAAAAAAA!
- Me (to my dad): Are those the sex noises she makes?
- Dad: No, those are better.
i’m wide awake, it’s morning!
(via rissama)
Sir, you have a giant ego.
Kindly get over yourself.
oh goddammit, you’re so mean!
Something small that always makes my day:
When I go into subway after 7pm and they still have Double Chocolate Chip Cookies :)
yay
Ah! We were just taking advantage of no one being home! You’re an hour early!
can't stop crying
goodnight.
i think i'll just stop trying to be part of your life.
i feel like i’m not doing my job as a friend, and you’ve proved it over and over. i’ve always wondered if you’d be happier without me. now i know it.
i’ll miss you, but i think this is best.
you break my heart sometimes.
- Me: Hi, I'm calling because the replacement phone I got for the phone I dropped in the toilet and the internet isn't working.
- Sprint Operator: Wow, most people wouldn't admit to that. Good for you.
It’s queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there had never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have been living contentedly with ever since the day of creation would start up and knock the whole thing over.
This morning I woke up and watched all of the New Moon trailers on the official youtube stream. Annnnd this is the video I watched the most.
When I was working as a temp receptionist at my mom’s work, the lady I worked by was SO obsessed with New Moon trailers. I heard this playing in her office at least 3 times a day. She was cute :)
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?
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